The story of my Journey through the minefield of weightloss and personal discovery.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Tears, Tantrums and Triumphs

Oh man, don't you jsut hate it when you lose a long entry? Grrr

A lot has happened in the last month and I've been so busy. In no particular order, here's what I've been up to:

I got engaged! My partner went down n bended knee over Tiramisu and asked my to marry him. I knew it was coming but it was still such a lovely moment, one I will always treasure. He designed and arranged himself a BEAUTIFUL engagement ring and I was so thrilled and teary. Wedding plans, here we come!

My baby sister arrived from England, in time for my nephew's first birthday and combined Naming Day. I've gotten to spend a fair bit of time with her in the last couple of weeks and I will be very sad to see her go back home next week.

My ex has been hugely problematic- leading to an explosion of emotional eating which resulted in a 1.8 kilo gain. I've tried to work it off, but I don't think I've been too successful.

My fiance and I had wonderful news today- we got a call from the estate agent advising us that our application had been accepted, so now we have a home to move into together and start our lives as a family. We are so excited, but now begins to enormous task of combining two home into one new on. Exciting and thrilling as that is, we still have two major moves ahead.

Not a lot of time for finding me within lately and not much in the next few weeks as we work back to the walls to get everything arranged.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010


I had one of those last night. No, I didn't need to use the toilet after! lol

I have often said that I don't like change. Thrown me out of my rutt and I get very narky. Make me move desks at work and I won't talk to you for a month. Tell me that my plans need to change and I freak out. I DON'T LIKE CHANGE. For me, change has always been bad. All the major (and some not so major) changes in my life have either been negative or have been accompanied by negative contexts. Things that should have been good but, for some reason, didn't work out to be.

My epiphany last night was- not liking change includes not liking or wanting to change my lifestyle habits. Losing weight means changing my lifestyle. Changing. And I hate change. No wonder I feel so resentful toward my efforts to lose weight- because they mean I have to change. And I don't want to change. I don't want to stay overweight, but I don't want to have to change my lifestyle to achieve a healthy weight.

Why? Well, my ephiphany unfortunately didn't include some momentous revelation of why and how to overcome it! Thinking about it, my best guess is because if I change, if I make my whole life different and achieve a goal weight, what guarantee do I have that my depression will have lifted and I will, finally, feel happy with my life. What if I change and the result is still negative?? I am *gasp* "happy" being lazy, because it allows me to wallow in my depression and not have to confront the things in my life that need to change (there's that word again) and the things that I need to accept responsibility for. Phew! That's a lot of self revelation.

So my next dilema is, what do I do now? How do I take this information and transform it into something I can use so that I can get myself back on track and being ok with making the changes that I need to live a healthier, happier version of me?