The story of my Journey through the minefield of weightloss and personal discovery.

Monday, May 31, 2010

End of May

My journey hasn't really been much of a minefield, has it? More like molehills, I think! I'm feeling in a really strange place at the moment. I am going back to meetings, since I really do want to be thinner for the wedding, but I am finding it hard to do the things I know I need to in order to lose weight.
About the only thing I've discovered about myself lately is that I am pretty lazy! I just cannot seem to find the energy to do anything. Each night I say to myself, ok, tomorrow's a new new day, get out there, do something, ANYTHING to get it started.
I think a part of the problem is that I don't like to push myself into uncomfortable situations. I don't like that whole sweaty, sore, out of breath feeling that goes with pushing myself to exercise. I don't like things that make me aware of my body or how big and ungainly it is. *Sigh* I know I feel better when I exercise, but faced with the option of sitting down to my studies or going out in the rain, I find it easier and easier to move less. This scares me a bit (although ironically not enough to inspire me), because I could become totally stationary so easily.
So I'm now 111.6kg. Not quite where I was when I started in January, but not far off, either. Still faaaaar away from where I want to be. I'm also finding my depression a bit harder to cope with too. Its been raining almost all day every day for the last couple of weeks, and I'm finding it so demotivating. *Blergh* I'm annoying even myself with the whinging!

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